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    Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

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    Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 6:07 pm

    So yes, some could call this shameless advertisement. But whatever >.> Lmao. I'm writing a short story! Why not take a looksy? I'll continue to post each new chapter here.

    Chapters Available on this forum currently: 1 and 2
    WARNING: LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE
    (Mind my grammar mistakes...)

    Chapter 1

    “The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it” - George Orwell.



    Not much has happened since …Well, everything. The worlds still gone to hell, people are still taking Stim’s, drugs, any thing they can find really. The wars fucked every thing up, nothings safe any more. I mean, what’s the purpose of winning, if it destroys everything in the long run?

    It was a while ago, maybe ten years or so, I haven’t really talked about it much… Nobody has. Were not proud of it, were not happy. Every one seems to think it was a great achievement…But what the hell do they know. They weren’t living in the middle of it, they were the after shock. They think there all experts now, because they were affected by it, in some way shape or form. They don’t know ****, the only one’s that can be honored are the ones who lived through the war. Not the dead. The dead have it easy, they don’t have to live on with this ****.

    I don’t know what the big deal is. Why does every one want to know the details? Cant we just tell them a bundle of lies, and make every one feel better about their sorry little lives? Cant we just lie our way through this? It’s not like we’d be doing anything different from what the governments been doing for what? Ten-thousand years?

    So you want the truth huh. You want to know everything that went down. You want to know what really happened, to get passed the myths, passed the lies. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. The war was a bit more fucked up then everyone thought.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    It started, with just a simple distress call. Just a simple 7-1-1. That was my job then, the simple things, just find and rescue. I heard my name called by the overhead, and I suited up, and went to mainstream. They flew me over to a little place called Shell, a dust bowl really. Right before my decent, Rick grabbed me by the shoulder and told me he was coming with. I was relieved to tell you the truth, that job got boring after a while, and it was nice to have someone you knew along by your side.

    We jumped, and ended up on the ground just below. This place was freaky, I’m not gunna lie. There was nothing, nothing but that damn shed called the Roach. Yeah, the Roach, I know, what a name for a Diner.

    The place looked abandoned for years. The counters were topped with sand, the shelves held nothing but dust and maggots, and the place reeked of blood and decay.

    We stepped inside, and the place was tiny. A classic 1980’s diner. One long table, and just three tables off to the side. Behind the counter showed two doors. One to the right, and one in the left corner. We drew our Glock’s (yeah, Glocks, old, police grade Glocks) and stepped up to the western door. Rick put his ear to the door, and made an awkward face. “What?” I asked. He shook his head. He gave me the forward signal, and I got in front of the door. Rick angled himself and pointed his gun. In a quick motion, I grabbed the knob, threw open the door, and bent down on one knee, holding point. Rick sidestepped and entered the room. I followed.

    It was black, and I mean pitch black. For the first time in our life, the SPMA gave us some top grade visors. We drew down the screen in front of our eyes and the room lit up. We could see every crack, every hole, and every corner of this room as if it was outside. The room, to our surprise, was dinky. It was about twenty feet wide, and sixty in length. It was empty too. Not one thing was in this room. Just dust, and that terrible smell. We exited and tried the other door. Same thing, nothing. We left the Roach and called for Evac, but had no signal. Rick mounted his PSD. Still, no signal. We were screwed, for the time being at least.

    “Tell me again, why the **** did we sign up for this job?” I was pissed

    “Haha, well, we were both flat out broke. You had…What was it, about 70 whites in your bank account?”

    “Ha, that’s right. You shouldn’t be talkin, you had **** for dough. Now that I mention it, I think I even lent you those 70 whites!”

    “Oh, don’t even, that was a gift, and you know it!”

    “A gift? Ha!. If you call me giving you my money after you asking for it a gift, then sure.” Rick came at me as if he was going to tackle me, we both knew he never played football in High School, I’m not too sure he thought that one through. He got a hold of me, but before I could throw him off, the radio chimed in.

    “Brink 1-7-7, do you come in, Brink 1-7-7. You retrieval time is compromised. Please prepare for Evac.

    “Hanachi, do you read me, Hanachi! What’s your ETA?”

    “Brink1-7-7, we will not be picking you up, your ship has been changed, and they will be there shortly.

    “Ship has been changed?” I said.

    “Now what are we boarding?” The ground shook, and the dust rose. We took a look above us and there she was.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I felt happy, for the first time in my life. We were boarding the most recognizable ship the galaxy. She was huge, it took nearly three hours just to walk to the end without any distractions. She held homes, restaurants, a small town really. The military posts were scattered, from the far north to the south, and a long slim line of military offices on the east and west. Heavy Shock Rifles coated the outside, and were set to manual almost every second of every day. Half the damn military didn’t even know how to run those damn guns.

    Rick and I were immediately called to mainstream once we boarded. A Comp. Train took us directly there. The second we got there we had two escorts walk us down to Capt. Isreal. The two escorts were wielding two Burst Rifles, with static rounds. I remember how much I wanted to shoot one of those.

    Mainstream here was way different from Hinachi. Everything was built into a large circle, but in joints. There were 4 semi levels, almost like stairs that each row was built on. In emergency situations, the middle sector, also the lowest one, moves down into a protected cell.

    Isreal was standing in the middle, looking down through the protected glass, viewing the planets below.

    “Something bad has happened” He said. “I need you two to do something for me.”

    “Why did you call us two?” Rick blurted out. Isreal looked up and gave a nod. One of the escorts pulled out a short stick and stabbed him in the small of his back. On impact, the stick gave out an electric pulse, which momentarily paralyzed Rick.

    “You mean you don’t know?” “Your friend hasn’t told you about his… Connections?” Replied Isreal.

    “Please… Not now.” I gave him a stern look, and got zapped in response.

    “Well, that’s not really my business, what go’s along with you two, now is it.” Isreal turned around. “Now, as I was saying. You two were just in the planet of Shell, is that correct? Now tell me, did you find anything… Odd?

    I stood back on my feet. “No.” I said. “It was empty.” Again, I got shocked for speaking.

    “Good. Now get them out of my sight. Oh, and just one more thing.” He turned around and gave a smirk. “Please enjoy your time on Faith.”
    ===================================================

    Chapter 2!

    Chapter 2!!

    “Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies” -W.L George

    A week went by as Rick and I settled into our new home. Faith, can you believe it?

    Because we were invited onto the ship, we were given free homes. Now, I know what your thinking, damn your lucky. Well, your wrong. We were the complete opposite. I’m pretty sure they hunted out the **** looking buildings they could, and gave us the keys. Either that, or they built them there selves. We were in the south west corner of this ship. It’s almost like they forgot they even had a south west corner, I mean, there were dead plants, dead *****, and I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure there was a couple of rotting bodies hiding in our basement. Our house? Don’t even get me started. Broken windows, torn up furniture, and it smelled. Three floors. An upstairs, holding one room the size of my fingernail, the main floor, which held a five by five inch kitchen, and a basement. Who the **** knows what was down there.

    We were ***** new jobs. We were no longer part of the military. We were now proud workers of the sanitation department. Cleaning **** off **** holes, cleaning piss off… Everything. It sucked. And we got paid the same god damn amount as we did rescuing people.

    This went on for about a month. Every damn day, the same thing. Clean, come home, eat, sleep, do it all over again. But that next month. That’s when we got lucky. We got drafted…Again.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    At about seven o’ clock in the morning, there was a breach in security. A miner breach, most likely some one trying to sneak in. A shot bellowed out soon after, and screams followed. Rick and I rushed to the scene and face down in a pile of blood was part of the security. Looked like a pistol wound, but I wasn’t sure. We got hold of a witness and obtained some information on the whereabouts. Turns out, we got there before any security personnel.

    The witness told us that the culprit ran to the heating and cooling ducts. We said why the hell not, and started our way over there.

    When we first arrived on Faith, the two escorts took all our weapons and equipment, but Rick managed to sneak his knife through.

    We made our way to the ducts, and the door was pried open. Rick drew his knife, and went in first. The room was full of square metal boxes, about neck high. Each in a row, with about five feet in between to walk through. There was little light, which was coming from behind a rotating fan. The fan drew a shadow each time it *****.

    As soon as we entered the room. Another shot rang out. It sounded distant. I took a look outside, but the damn ship was too big to see any outbrake. We continued through the room.

    We soon came to the end, and the room seemed empty. We took a quick look around but found nothing. It seemed like we were sent off track. We began to walk back to the door, but an odd beeping sound stopped us in our tracks. It was slow, and sounded like an electronic watch. We took another look around, but found nothing. There was absolutely nothing. So we made our way out the door.

    We took a few steps out and took a seat on a near by bench. I turned to Rick, but as soon as I opened my mouth, an explosion cut me off. Where did the explosion come from? You guessed it, that damn duct room.

    The explosion sent Rick and I flying. Luckily, it didn’t pop a hole through the outer casing. Dazed, I got to my feet. About twenty yards away was Rick. I stumbled over to him, and found a rather large piece of shrapnel protruding from the lower-right part of his stomach.

    “Fucking room.” He said. “I shoulda known what that sound was.”

    “Hey, stand still, let me get this **** out of you.” I grabbed a hold of the metal, and slowly pulled it out of his stomach. I’ll never forget the mixed sounds of a man screaming in pain, and a hot, sharp piece of metal cutting a lower intestine.

    “Hey, stay here, I’m going to go get a medic. I’ll be back in five… Hang in there man.”

    “A medic? Ha, I don’t need a medic. I’m just peachy.” He tried to stand, but his wound sent a pulse of pain through his body. He fell back to the ground.

    “Hey! Don’t move, ya hear me? Stay here. I’ll be back, I promise you.” I started off to mainstream.

    Half way there, the ship went to hell. Multiple explosions chimed off at different parts of the ship. There were hundreds of dead bodies laying on the floor, and so much blood. I came across a man wielding a STIFE pistol, shooting pedestrians.

    “Hey! Stop it! Get the **** away from them!” I started running at him. The man got startled and pointed the gun at me. He shot, and I felt it whiz by my face. I got a hold of his arm, and threw away the gun. The man got a nice punch on me, but I managed to knee him in the gut. He fell to the ground, but managed to tackle my feet. I fell also, and he got on top of me. He started to bash my head against the floor, but I threw my elbow into the side of his face, and rolled him onto his back. I got on top and started to punch him in the face. The man took his hand, and gave me a good cross face. He managed to stick his finger in one of my eyes, and started to push.

    The pain was unbearable, but I managed to grab his arm, and force it out of my eye. I then grabbed his arm, with one arm on his forearm, and one on his palm, and pushed the two in opposite directions. Soon enough, I felt his wrist give out, and snapped it back. The man screamed in pain. I noticed the gun not far away from us, and dove onto it.

    I got to my feet and stuck it on his cheek. The man begged me, but I pulled the trigger.

    I kept on my way to the hospital. Half the ship was engulfed in flames, and the only thing that was heard was shots, screams, and cries. These weren’t some random terrorists, they knew what the hell they were doing. This was planned, and planned well.

    I made it to the hospital, but it was completely empty. I ran inside, but the halls were quite. Stretchers were left every where, dieing patients crying in there rooms. Who ever did this, fucked things up real good.

    I decided to make my way back to Rick. I decided I would just carry him to somewhere safe.

    Half way there, and explosion sounded off, and the ground underneath me gave. The gun I stole from the man slipped out of my pants, and fell about two hundred feet below.

    “Well look what we have here.” Said a voice behind me. “We’ve got one unlucky soul.” I turned my head. This new guy had a black mask on, covering all but his eyes. He pointed his gun at me, and started to move it in a flicking motion, saying “Well go on, pull your self up.” He came around and stood in front of me, offering his hand. I grabbed it, and the man picked me up a couple of feet, and threw my hand towards the hole. “Ha, you actually think I was going to help you? You poor bastard. Either you’re trying to kill your self, or your just stupid.” He said. I tried to pull my self up again, but he picked up his foot, and smashed it on one of my hands. He forced it loose, and picked up his foot for another go on my other hand.

    I had grabbed Rick’s knife before I left for the medic. I seem to have forgotten about it when I got in the fight with the other guy. This time I reached into my back pocket, drew the knife, and stabbed him in the shin. The man fell to his knees. I grabbed hold of the knife and started to twist it. The man was screaming in pain, and grabbed hold of my hand. I let go of my hold on the ledge and grabbed his hand with both of mine, and started to pull my self up. The man had enough leverage to hold my weight, and I managed to get myself on the floor again.

    The man attempted to get to his feet, but Rick’s blade was still dug into his leg. I stood to my feet, grabbed hold of the knife, and yanked it out of his shin. The amount of blood was revolting. The man tried to grab my legs, but I grabbed his hand threw him to the ground. The man slid across the ground and next to the hole. I took a look at his eyes… That look of fear…. It can change a mans life. His lower body slipped into the hole, and he held on for dear life. Again, this man started to be me. “Please… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” I let him fall.

    I started my way back to Rick. He was about seventy feet away now, and I noticed that he managed to crawl over to a wall, leaving a trail of blood behind him. I went to sprint over there, but a voice echoed behind me.

    “Stop. Stop moving, or I’ll shoot.” “Turn around, and put your hands in the air.” I forgot to grab the gun from my previous battle. So I was screwed.

    I turned around slowly. This guy, he was different. He had ripped jeans on, spiky hair, and a blue spandex shirt on. He was built, and threw on a pretty mean face. He didn’t have a pistol, he owned a Burst Rifle… With static rounds…. I still wanted to shoot one of those.

    “Are you Kyle? Kyle Isreal?” The man asked.

    “Yea, I am. What’s it to you.”

    “Good, your coming with me.” The man lowered his weapon, and shot me in the leg. “I’m glad to have finally met you.” He said. “I’m Glen. Your brother.”
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mars on 11/17/2009, 6:11 pm

    Short story my ass thats long... Sorry but for stories I'm limited to the dr.Suess styles... We're allowed mild cursing right?
    Tl:dr...
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by John on 11/17/2009, 6:25 pm

    I don't care if you curse. Just don't overdo it. I don't want to see f-bombs everywhere, but it's not like I really care if you use them. Kids are exposed to this anyways. >.>

    Also, I'll read the story when I'm back home. Very Happy


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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 6:59 pm

    Oh... Well my story has a couple F words >.> Lmao. Not that much though.
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mr. Moderator on 11/17/2009, 8:23 pm

    Edit it out. It makes SUCH a better story if profanity isn't involved.
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 9:20 pm

    Edit it out. It makes SUCH a better story if profanity isn't involved.
    Opinion. As this IS a war story, and it IS in the eyes of a marine, I wont. The reader has to feel how rigid the world around him is, and feel the same emotions thats being depicted in the book. Profanity is only one way of influencing this. I dont put it in there to make myself look "cool". I put it in the for various reasons Razz
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Eternal Quotes on 11/17/2009, 9:28 pm

    Hmm... I was a bit dissapointed that this story wasn't about being chased by an alien menace in a deserted wasteland, with no signal or sign of help... but I still liked the story! I could see this being published! Very Happy
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 10:21 pm

    o.O I dunno if its publish worthy, but thanks for taking an interest in the book cheers
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mr. Moderator on 11/17/2009, 10:24 pm

    Whitepath wrote:
    Edit it out. It makes SUCH a better story if profanity isn't involved.
    Opinion. As this IS a war story, and it IS in the eyes of a marine, I wont. The reader has to feel how rigid the world around him is, and feel the same emotions thats being depicted in the book. Profanity is only one way of influencing this. I dont put it in there to make myself look "cool". I put it in the for various reasons Razz

    Tsk Tsk... Emotions yes, but there are plenty other ways to express yourself besides using profanity. Besides, it doesn't say he's a marine. And the various reasons can't be as good as a clean story. But I disgress, I can't make you change your mind, only tell you what I think.

    I edit the profanity when I read... It's still Stopid though (yes, it's related to stupid)
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 10:38 pm

    Not ONLY emotions, but a pluthera of other things. And it directly tells you that he was in the war =P. Just not in the title
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mr. Moderator on 11/17/2009, 10:43 pm

    I always believed (and still do) that profanity is because people aren't intellegent enough to use actual conveying words. Pluthera -- obviously proves above statement false (sort of) and yet...

    No
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by John on 11/17/2009, 10:53 pm

    Profanity is a part of modern society. If you wish for your literature to be realistic then believe me, you'll need profanity. It's something that just about everyone uses and every can relate to the emotion portrayed by it.

    Not many people understand the feeling behind the word apathetic, or other nicely worded emotions.

    Also, even the highest intellectuals curse, it's human.


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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 11:08 pm

    John wrote:Profanity is a part of modern society. If you wish for your literature to be realistic then believe me, you'll need profanity. It's something that just about everyone uses and every can relate to the emotion portrayed by it.

    Not many people understand the feeling behind the word apathetic, or other nicely worded emotions.

    Also, even the highest intellectuals curse, it's human.

    Hmph. Words of wisdom. Thanks John

    And I'm not arguing with you, Mr. Mod, because I think your utterly wrong, I'm just expressing my opinion, and I do take your words under consideration and I do value them.
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mr. Moderator on 11/17/2009, 11:16 pm

    John wrote:Profanity is a part of modern society. If you wish for your literature to be realistic then believe me, you'll need profanity. It's something that just about everyone uses and every can relate to the emotion portrayed by it.

    Not many people understand the feeling behind the word apathetic, or other nicely worded emotions.

    Also, even the highest intellectuals curse, it's human.

    I am... er... I'll tell you later John. But honestly... I'm about as high intellectually as you get at my school (or grade). I'm one of the smartest people and yet... I don't use profanity. The again... I do have morals but... Whatever.
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 11:19 pm

    I am... er... I'll tell you later John. But honestly... I'm about as high intellectually as you get at my school (or grade). I'm one of the smartest people and yet... I don't use profanity. The again... I do have morals but... Whatever.
    Right, but you cant really assume everyone in the world is like you in that way. Take Vlad for example. (This would be a great time for me to link to Vlads profile... Sadly, I will not...)
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mr. Moderator on 11/17/2009, 11:23 pm

    Obviously not everyone is like me. I understand where people are coming from, I just wish it wasn't so. No other way to put it. (Haven't seen Luke around here) If you're going to do it on these forums, do it where people won't see it unless they want to!

    aka *Thanks for putting the warning before the story
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by John on 11/17/2009, 11:25 pm

    One intellectual however, does not equal all. There are those that are like you that don't like to curse.

    However, I'm pretty intelligent myself and I curse as well. It doesn't make you any less of a person. And it's included in plenty of literature. Even the most famous of authors use it.


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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/17/2009, 11:32 pm

    aka *Thanks for putting the warning before the story
    Thats why I put it there =P.
    Even the most famous of authors use it.(Profanity)
    100% Agreeable.

    [off-topic] I loooooove the way these quote boxes look. Was that a preset? Mine look nasty (on my forum =( ) [/off-topic]
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mr. Moderator on 11/17/2009, 11:37 pm

    John wrote:One intellectual however, does not equal all. There are those that are like you that don't like to curse.

    However, I'm pretty intelligent myself and I curse as well. It doesn't make you any less of a person. And it's included in plenty of literature. Even the most famous of authors use it.

    Bandwagon affect, how... Disgusting. I hate the bandwagon affect, maybe that's cause I've always been the kid that's been laughed at but... Nevermind.
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mars on 11/18/2009, 10:13 am

    I'm an intellectual and I used profanity, Limited the source of your words is an act of close mindedness not intellect.

    Also, I still haven't read your story and I should clue in the real reason since it's the same reason why I never read any posted story at any forums I'm at.

    I work in publications, editing mostly, so my view or critique might be a bit harsh if I read it. but from scrolling past it. The chapters are very short so this would be about mini-novel in length or short story length. If short story then you may want to take out the chapter breaks if mini novel the topic of the novel and maturity may be a bit off target seeing as how people that that appeals to tend to go for 300-400 page works.

    Such is my unread assessment. I'm good at my job dag nab it...
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Whitepath on 11/18/2009, 5:42 pm

    Mars wrote:I'm an intellectual and I used profanity, Limited the source of your words is an act of close mindedness not intellect.

    Also, I still haven't read your story and I should clue in the real reason since it's the same reason why I never read any posted story at any forums I'm at.

    I work in publications, editing mostly, so my view or critique might be a bit harsh if I read it. but from scrolling past it. The chapters are very short so this would be about mini-novel in length or short story length. If short story then you may want to take out the chapter breaks if mini novel the topic of the novel and maturity may be a bit off target seeing as how people that that appeals to tend to go for 300-400 page works.

    Such is my unread assessment. I'm good at my job dag nab it...
    \

    I've stated several times its a short story >.> Lmao. But anywho. It's quite alright. I only posted it here for hoots, not for it to get major attention.
    And your job sounds interesting, but boring XP. Lol, do you enjoy it?
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    Re: Book of Faith (Topic Numero Uno)

    Post by Mars on 11/18/2009, 6:02 pm

    I enjoy it a lot. Especially close to dead lines........ RARG!


    happy happy...

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